wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
