Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize