i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize