I think I won the penis lottery.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
