Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I love you. Go after that dick
i think we sleep fucked last night...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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