you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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