Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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