I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
