so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
