how can u be prego again
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
