Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
