South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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