Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He? As in you personified your dick?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
