So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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