So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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