She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
