I'm drive I can fine osifer
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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