I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
