I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize