Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
