The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
