i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
