I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
