There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
