do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
