the condom got lost in my hair
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
