I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
