that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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