Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
