nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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