I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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