how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
