Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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