Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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