There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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