If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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