I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
