ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize