literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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