I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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