The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
