That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
