i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
