he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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