don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
