I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Your cock deserves a montage
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
