OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
