I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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