I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
