I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
