This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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