Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
