i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
