Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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