I want to have your abortion
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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