Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
