And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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