I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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