I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
