He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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