Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
