fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
