My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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