my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
