I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
