Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
