if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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