You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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