so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
