My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
