Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
