Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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