So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
