His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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